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By Cheta Nwanze*

Una see dat ball? Humble pie is a very interesting confectionery. It is something that most people take very reluctantly, and tend to take in very small doses. With that in mind, you, dear reader, are on the front row seat to a Guinness World Record of sorts, the first man to eat a large serving of humble pie very willingly, and then ask for more. For good measure, I downed my humble pie with Coast Milk.


Una watch dat ball? Yesterday, those boys graduated to being SUPER!

See, if for the rest of your natural life you are looking for cojones, look no further than the Big Boss himself. Honestly, Stephen Keshi’s balls should be preserved in formaldehyde and placed in a glass jar for all to admire until the end of days. The truth is that the job of Papa Eagles’ coach is one of the worst places to be on the planet. What with a notoriously inefficient FA that constantly meddle in your business, and sports ministers who do not help issues by looking for white-skinned coaches in the middle of tournaments, to a country that has (give or take) 170 million other individuals who believe that they are better at your job than you, to silly writers who predict doom for your team before you have even kicked a ball, the man went ahead and dropped Osaze Odemwingie (who has since gone bonkers on Twitter, though he’s still showing his support for the Super Eagles) and Obefemi Martins (too busy goading Mario Balotelli while flying around on private jets with his sister) before the tournament, then went into yesterday’s game against Yaya Toure, with Sunday Mba in midfield, and 19-year old Ken Omeruo (picture above, number five) asked to man-mark Didier Drogba! Insanity.

But for those of you who watch footie on the regular, you’d know that Big Boss achieved that rarity in football where a game is won even before the ball is kicked. He got his tactics spot on. Deploying Emenike and Moses wide in a 4-5-1 and Man-Of-the-Match, Obi wan Kenobi at the base of the three man midfield was a decision of genius. What it meant was that despite the fact that a lot of people did not see Wan Kenobi during the game, the fact that Onazi and Mba were shielding him, gave him the room to play the regista role almost to perfection. A contender for Moment-of-the-Match was when he made that crucial block off of Lacina Traore with three minutes remaining. Meanwhile, both goals were things of beauty. Emenike’s thunderbolt was really orgasmic as displayed by Dan Amokachi in his celebration.

To cap the evening up, myself and Ebuka ended up being kicked out of Channels TV for over-celebrating.