Dick Chimp

The blog Dictator Chimp answers the crucial questions, reveals the answers to puzzling dilemmas facing the ordinary brutal autocrat. Nothing is too simple a question, and nothing too complex.

“Should I grow a beard?” is answered with a firm affirmative, with a link to twin images of Saddam Hussein: (a) when he was in the prime of mustachio’d-dictating, and (b) in post-US detention/”inspection” full-beardedness—cleaned up for the courts, and a haunting, terrifying loneliness inhabiting his unfocused eyes.

He tells you what to do when your realise that your revolting peasants may be far smarter than you first thought, deliberates on whether a dictator should plunder the nation’s coffers or accept the $5mil from the Ibrahim Prize, “… which you can win if you just run your country like everyone expects, and then step down when the ‘constitution’ says you should.”

Lately, he’s alerted readers to Chris Roper‘s article in South Africa’s Mail and Guardian, which is “undoing a lot of good work” by pointing out “the rise of aspiring dictators in South Africa…[noting] striking similarities between them and Ernst Röhm, a Nazi leader that Hitler bumped off on his way to the top.”

Others questions: “I don’t have a country yet, but I want to be a dictator. Where do I start?”

Find out how here.

Neelika Jayawardane

Neelika Jayawardane

Sharp-tongued literature professor. She is on the editorial board of Africa is a Country.

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